Healing from the Horror - Mind control survivor finds healing after
the walls of amnesia come tumbling down
In 1977 when I was in my late 20s and leaving my second marriage, I
decided there might be a problem with me. That's when I began therapy and
learned to deal with issues such as properly expressing anger, not being
so defensive, and why I was so afraid of my father. I married my current
husband (we've been married since 1980) and continued in therapy to help
improve my relationship skills. I came very close to getting my memories
back around 1990 because of a series of nightmares I had about my father.
Instead of the memories, though, I made a startling emotional discovery
about myself that I thought was the answer to my fear of my father. That
discovery made me think I was "cured." In other words, I shut down and
rejected further therapy. In 1996 I decided I was going to write a novel -
a love story with a psychological twist. The main character was going to
have my emotions and the story was going to reflect how a woman with a
history of abuse in her background has to struggle to make a relationship
work. That was supposed to be the only similarity between the book and
reality. When I say abuse, at the time, I consciously only knew of the
constant emotional abuse and some physical abuse I had endured from my
father.
On Dec. 11, 1997, about three months after the first memory, someone in
my support group sent information about Project Monarch. As soon as I read
it, I knew that's what had happened to me. I finally understood what my
scrapbook images were trying to tell me. From that point on my life was
totally changed. I also felt that my life had been completely shattered. I
had to totally disregard my own personal belief system to accept what had
happened to me. To believe I had been a victim of mind control, to believe
that my father had placed me in a program that intentionally caused a
child to produce multiple personalities, to believe there were people in
the world who could carry on this kind of torture to create a Manchurian
Candidate in the name of national security meant giving up my belief that
"all people are basically good," meant giving up "happily ever after,"
meant believing my father had sold his soul to the government and had
turned over his daughter to this evil. It is truly devastating.
PROJECT MONARCH
Basically, Project Monarch was a government/Illuminati mind control
program that involved numerous military and intelligence agencies, the
Paperclip Nazis, and various prominent individuals and politicians. I also
believe this program (regardless of its current name) is still active.
Operation Paperclip began in 1945 and was stopped in 1957 when West
Germany complained that the U.S. had robbed Germany of its "scientific
skills." It involved the U.S. ushering Nazis into the country who were
valued for their knowledge of rocketry and the medical knowledge (a rather
ironic term) gained from the experiments at the concentration camps.
One of the criteria for being a Nazi under Hitler's regime was
worshipping Satan. The Nazi's didn't leave their belief systems behind.
Project Monarch was a combination of ritual abuse and mind control. The
ritual abuse served two purposes. First, it exposed a child to horrific
trauma which caused the child to dissociate and create alters. Secondly,
the belief was that if we ever did remember, the ritual abuse memories
would surface first and the medical community and public would label us
insane.
I was born at Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland in 1952 where my
father was an instructor at the time. Aberdeen Proving Grounds is the
world headquarters for U.S. Army intelligence. Aberdeen was also one of
the stopover points for Paperclip Nazis. It's not difficult to conceive
that a number of Nazis remained at Aberdeen since that was also the site
of Edgewood Arsenal where many of the biochemical warfare experiments were
carried out.
The most insidious part of Project Monarch was that it's objective was
to create a child with multiple personalities. So not only was it
devastating to learn I was a multiple, I had to absorb the shock of
learning that I was intentionally made a multiple. And the only way a
child will dissociate to the point of creating alters is through severe
trauma.
Except for a few memories, I can't tell you exactly how I was
programmed. But I know I was taken all over the country and even overseas
for programming. I was taken to military bases and high-tech research
facilities including those that were part of universities. Most, if not
all, of the universities I remember are ones that had received MK-Ultra
funding--and that included Canada. I was taken to several locations in
Canada between 1957 and 1964. I specifically have memories of Ewen Cameron
and the Allan Memorial Institute. Both were implicated in a lawsuit filed
by adult Canadian victims against the CIA and presented in a Canadian
made-for-television documentary, In the Sleep Room. It's interesting that
the U.S. purchased the rights to the show but it was never aired in our
country.
The United States has a history of covering up human experimentation.
Just look at the hearings that were held regarding the Human Radiation
Experiments on unwitting victims, the Tuskeegee experiments, and the Gulf
War Syndrome (as well as the lesser known chem trails and AIDS atrocity).
Declassified documents show our own military has released viruses over
U.S. populations to see what the impact would be. Unfortunately, history
also shows our government doesn't own up to its transgressions for at
least 40 to 50 years after the harm is done.
In 1977 the U.S. held Senate investigative hearings which disclosed the
abuses by the government through MK-Ultra. But very few Americans even
know of its existence because of media control. The cover up goes
something like this. The American Psychiatric Association received funding
through MK-Ultra for at least one of its projects. Ewen Cameron, who was
the former head of the Quebec Psychiatric Association, the Canadian
Psychiatric Association, and the World Psychiatric Association, received
funding directly by the CIA through MK-Ultra, the Human Ecology Foundation
which was a CIA front organization, and also through the Canadian
government. So both the U.S. and Canadian psychiatric associations were
involved in mind control experimentation in the 1960s.
But the U.S. government still conceals its mind control records and in
fact has destroyed most if not all of its records by now. They have
labeled victims of their abuse as mentally ill which shows rather directly
that the U.S. abuses its psychiatric system in much the same way we
accused the Soviet Union and Cuba of abusing their psychiatric systems.
And while my country continues to deny the existence of cults, they are
proliferating and are nothing more than covers for pedophiles, kiddie porn
activities, drug trafficking, prostitution, and a government gold mine of
young minds to mold. I would say to parents, be sure you know your child's
soccer coach, scout leader, best friend's parents, and anyone else your
child admires. I know there are many good people out there, but the fact
is pedophiles and those involved in the cults are usually in positions
where they have access to young children.
ASSASSIN TRAINING
How do you teach a child to be an assassin? It's very easy. You use
double binds and impossible choices. My first memory of this type of
training was when I was three years old in Germany. I was given a hammer
and was asked to smash a rat's head. I can still hear the thick German
accent telling me how ugly rats were and they deserved to die. When I
wouldn't do it, my memory flashed to the Nazi holding a bunny, petting it,
saying how cute the bunny was. If I didn't kill the rat, he was going to
keep killing cute little bunnies. He then killed the bunny with the hammer
to prove he wasn't lying. I killed a rat. Then I was made to feel guilty
because I could have saved the bunny if I had followed his instructions
sooner. A child will kill to save another.
I graduated from animals to humans at least by the time I was in grade
school. One question I keep asking myself is how many people were killed
so they could train one Manchurian Candidate. This leads me to something
about healing that I think is very important.
When I first began to remember what I was trained to do, I could barely
deal with the guilt that I had harmed...killed other people. It was one
thing that they tortured me, but it was an entirely different story that I
harmed others. Spencer, my internal guide, explained to me that if I
didn't get past the guilt, I would never heal. He also explained that I
had no choice. It was not my will. If given the choice--and if they had
allowed me my choice--I would have taken my own life. But they didn't
allow that and the victims would have been killed regardless.
There were groups of individuals called "expendables". They were the
orphans no one would miss, children born into cults and under the mind
control program that no one knew about, and prisoners--people who were
their terminal medical experiments and ritual sacrifices. And I was
reminded that I did save every one of them because I internalized them as
alters. That's how a child who is a multiple saves victims. The victims
become alters who live on inside the child. That coping mechanism to the
perps was just another way to produce alters.
TORTURE & HEALING
Torture is a difficult word for me to use. For a long time, I just
called it programming because it was easier for me to deal with. But it
included electroshock both as punishment and memory erasure. Sensory
deprivation is when I was placed in a box or other container without
light, sound, or touch in a terrifying setting to cause dissociation. I
have many memories of coffins and graves. Sometimes snakes or spiders
would be placed in the container with me and I would not be allowed to
move or make any noise without electrical punishment. That's how they
conditioned my alters not to be afraid. I was also drugged, sexually
abused to include being used in kiddie porn and snuff films, and subjected
to methods of degradation and humiliation designed to strip me of my sense
of self. I recall flashing lights, being hung upside down to disorient me,
having guns held to my head and hearing the click of an empty chamber, and
constantly being subjected to emotional blackmail if I would ever tell of
the abuse should I remember it.
How did I remember these kinds of details? By using scrapbook therapy.
Because mind control victims are so heavily programmed with staying silent
under threat of physical harm to themselves and others and/or told they
will automatically commit suicide if they try to tell, when many survivors
start to remember, they are terrified to seek help.
http://www.paperclipdolls.com/html/book.html
Paperclip Dolls
by Annie McKenna
Published 1999
If you are familiar with the movie Conspiracy Theory, imagine a story
that goes behind the scenes to the character played by Mel Gibson
(Jerry)-to his childhood as an unwitting subject in the CIA's top secret
project, MK-Ultra. PAPERCLIP DOLLS, would tell you how Jerry most
likely became the paranoid adult unable to remember his past and obsessed
with government conspiracies.
PAPERCLIP DOLLS might be described as a psychothriller involving
covert government operations, mind control experimentation with children,
Nazi scientists who were ushered clandestinely into the United States
following World War II (Operation Paperclip), and a bizarre plot to
develop the ultimate secret weapon, a Manchurian Candidate-a
spy/assassin/courier who would not remember his or her deeds. The story,
however, is nonfiction.
It's the account of a woman who, at age 44, not only begins to remember
a childhood she never knew existed, but also realizes she has multiple
personalities as a result of her childhood trauma. She must learn to deal
with the horrific memories while adjusting to the miraculous way her brain
works and has protected her for years.
PAPERCLIP DOLLS is Annie McKenna's story about healing from the
horror of being placed into a government program known to her as Project
Monarch at birth by her father who was military intelligence. The book is
her personal account as relayed through her journaling, supportive
research, and other writings of exactly how her memories revealed
themselves, their impact on her life, and how she was able to quickly
understand and gain control of her multiplicity. It is a story about
overcoming a most insidious type of child abuse-one that was sanctioned by
our own government and which was made public in the 70s. What the public
didn't know was that many of the unwitting subjects of mind control
experiments, including the notorious MK-Ultra project, were children.
